A posting by one of my guy friends: "Why is it not spring yet? I've got cabin fever with nothing to resort to. In all seriousness, there must be something to waste your time doing that is entertaining and constructive to some end. Nothing seems appealing. Exercise at the gym: check. Guitar practice: check. Television: check. Household chores: check. Play pool at the bar: check. Go bowling: check. It would be cool if there was someone around to do something with. Moral: get a job that takes up all of your time because all you'll do with that free time otherwise is sit around and do absolutely nothing with no one. Here's to you Ms. Mystery... See you never."
I was so touched by this admission of loneliness. Men so rarely admit that they're lonely, too. While women always seem to be so aware of their feelings in this area, men seem to avoid the topic in conversation or try to avoid feeling it (at least, in my experience with men), or both. This really touched me. I can't even say how much. Maybe because I feel like this so often, that it feels strange to hear it from someone else, let alone a guy.
If there's anything worse than sitting around being lonely, it's working and being lonely. Or rather, working when you know you're just trying to avoid being lonely - as though you have nothing in the world to do but work; and unfortunately, that's the way it feels when you're single and without hope of that changing. It's one thing to take some alone time when you need it. It's a whole different ball game, however, to have to be alone because you have no friends or loved ones to spend time with. It's a denial of that deep desire for companionship which exists in all of us - and I think the chronic denial of this desire is one of the leading causes for depression (and even suicide), as well as a contributing factor to other emotional problems.
People always say you can't always get what you want - and that's true. At some point in our lives, we have to reconcile with that fact. Life isn't fair. But I don't think we should tell ourselves to stop hurting; because that often leads to telling ourselves to stop Wanting - which is the worst thing a person can ever do, to themselves or others. We all need love, and we all need a certain amount of companionship - be it familial, friendly, or romantic. And if we are denied this long enough, it does, indeed, make the heart sick.
I hate when people say you shouldn't need someone, to heal you or 'fix' you. While I agree that needing someone to tell you who you are and why you should be that person is definitely wrong, I cannot agree that another person can't be extremely fundamental in one's personal growth and healing. Our wounds are given to us by humans; it makes perfect sense, then, that God would bring other people into our lives who can help alleviate and - if they are able to love you in a selfless and Godly way - heal our hurt. God is the only one who can give our lives meaning and purpose, and give us our true identities. In fact, He is the only one who can love us unconditionally, and eternally. But He does bring other people into our lives to bring about (sometimes very deep) healing and growth in us.
But I digress. How do we reconcile with a God who gives us needs, and does not satisfy us, even when it seems we can go no further feeling so heartsick? This - and many other things - is what makes faith and trust so difficult. I would be the first to admit that I'm terrible at faith. I'm much better at criticizing, doubting and questioning God than trusting His actions - and especially His motives. What makes us strong is not Just praying - though that is absolutely necessary for a relationship with God. We need each other. It astounds me to think that every one of us is hurting. Every single one of us is in pain, to one degree or another. How often do any of us stop to think about that? When we're driving on the highway, or we're walking down the street - surrounded by people - do we ever look into the eyes of strangers and dare to see the pain hidden there? It is this pain that makes both war and compassion equally possible.
Something in me always wishes I could better minister to those who feel this lonely - mostly because I have spent a lot of my life feeling that lonely and wishing others would care enough to minister to me. I certainly know what it's like to be the beaten, wounded man down in the ditch while others on the road pass by. I can't tell you how many times I asked myself, where is my good Samaritan? So suffice it to say that it touches my heart very deeply, to hear others admit such loneliness. We cannot 'fix' another person - no matter how good our intentions. But we Can help, and we Can heal, through Him who strengthens us. May we go and do good, then, with the great strength we have been given.
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